Week 5 Recap: Ravens, Bengals, and My Final Straw
By Trinity Barnette
Week 5 Recap: Ravens vs. Texans
Final Score: Texans 44, Ravens 10
Belt to Ass Beating
The Ravens walked into M&T Bank Stadium and got humiliated in front of their own fans. This wasn’t football—it was damn near a funeral. Baltimore looked lifeless from the first drive, and Houston took full advantage. C.J. Stroud didn’t just outplay Baltimore’s backup quarterback—he dissected the entire defense like it was a high-school scrimmage.
Stroud finished 23 of 27 for 244 yards and four touchdowns, while the Ravens’ offense put on one of the worst shows of the season. Cooper Rush threw three interceptions, Derrick Henry averaged barely two yards a carry, and Baltimore couldn’t even cross midfield without something going wrong. The Texans scored on their first eight possessions. Eight. Possessions. In a row.
By halftime, it was already 27-3 and fans were heading to the exits. The defense looked cooked, the secondary confused, and the pass rush nonexistent. Houston racked up over 400 total yards while Baltimore managed a single touchdown late just to make the scoreboard look less painful.
Lamar Out, Hope Gone
With Lamar Jackson sidelined because of a hamstring injury, the Ravens were a shell of themselves. Rush was under pressure the entire game, and the offensive line folded faster than wet paper. Without Lamar’s mobility or leadership, the entire offense fell apart—no rhythm, no spark, no shot.
Raw Reflection
At 1-4, it’s time to stop pretending this team is a contender. The defense can’t stop anybody, the offense can’t find an identity, and the injuries are piling up like excuses. Every loss chips away at what little playoff hope they had left. If something doesn’t change fast, the Ravens are about to be watching January football from the couch—just like the rest of us.
Week 5 Recap: Bengals vs. Lions
Final Score: Lions 37, Bengals 24
Belt to Ass Beating
Cincinnati came into this one flat—Detroit absolutely dominated from start to finish. This wasn’t a “bad night,” it was a public ass beating. The Bengals trailed 28–3 early and never got their legs under them. Jared Goff and David Montgomery carved up the defense—Montgomery even threw a touchdown on a trick play in his hometown.
Backup QB Jake Browning did try to mount a comeback—he dropped three fourth-quarter TDs, two of them to Ja’Marr Chase—but the early damage was too much to overcome.
To seal the deal, the Bengals botched an onside kick, and Detroit buried them with a safety in the last two minutes.
Key Issues
With Joe Burrow out (turf toe surgery), Cincinnati is scrambling.
The defense? Nonexistent. Detroit gashed them on the ground and found holes everywhere.
Turnovers and penalties killed drives.
The Bengals’ offense showed flashes—but not enough, and too late.
At 2–3 and trending downward, the Bengals look like a team clinging to hope instead of making noise.
Week 5 Recap: Dolphins vs. Panthers
Final Score: Panthers 27, Dolphins 24
From Zero to Hero
Miami came out like they owned the field—17–0 lead, total control. Then Carolina flipped the script. It was ugly, sloppy, messy—but Panthers found a way. Bryce Young threw the go-ahead 4-yard pass to Mitchell Evans with under two minutes left. Rico Dowdle rushed for 206 yards and powered the comeback.
It was the largest comeback in Panthers history—Carolina erased 17 points and refused to blink.
My Pick Came Through
Yeah, I picked Panthers over Dolphins—people tried to clown me for going against the hype. But 24–27 speaks for itself!!! Carolina came through for me and my picks.
Raw Reflection
Moving forward, I might start covering other teams—because the AFC North is fucking ass this year. Like, it’s bad. The Ravens are falling apart, the Bengals are embarrassing me weekly, and somehow the Steelers are sitting up top like they earned it. It’s god awful.
At the start of the season, I chose both the Ravens and Bengals to cover, and I fully believed in those picks. But after five weeks of stress, disappointment, and broken trust, I’m officially done being emotionally abused by these two. I need to sue them for pain and suffering.
From now on, I’m focusing on games that are actually fun to watch—not the bullshit that makes me question my loyalty every Sunday. I love football, but I love my peace more.
