Belt to Ass & Choke Job: Bengals and Ravens Collapse in Week 3

By Trinity Barnette

Bengals Recap: Belt to Ass Beating

The Bengals just suffered the ugliest loss in franchise history, and let me tell you why.

The final score? 48–10 Vikings. The biggest loss margin the Bengals have ever taken.

Jake Browning had a nightmare outing—13-of-28, 155 yards, 2 interceptions, 0 touchdowns. Add in five turnovers overall and you basically handed Minnesota a cheat code. The Vikings turned those mistakes into 31 points.

Our offensive line is fucking atrocious. They don’t protect, they don’t push, they don’t even exist except to torture me at this point. Every snap feels like a countdown to disaster. Browning never stood a chance behind that wall of wet cardboard.

And the defense? Don’t even get me started. Sucks. No pressure, no stops, no pride. The Vikings ran wild, with Jordan Mason racking up 116 rushing yards and two touchdowns.

Meanwhile, defensive back Isaiah Rodgers played like a one-man Madden highlight reel—87-yard pick-six and a 66-yard fumble return TD. First player in NFL history to force two fumbles and score twice defensively in the same game.

This wasn’t just a loss—it was a belt to ass beating in broad daylight.

Ravens Recap: Holy Choke Job

The Ravens had this game right in their hands… and then completely pissed it away.

The final score: Lions 38, Ravens 30. Baltimore falls to 1–2 on the season.

The Lions dominated the ground game with 224 rushing yards. David Montgomery went off for 151 yards and 2 touchdowns, while Jahmyr Gibbs added 67 yards. Baltimore’s defense just folded—letting Detroit put together a 98-yard drive and a 96-yard drive. That’s not defense—that’s cardio practice.

And the offensive line? Don’t get me started. Lamar Jackson was sacked seven times. Seven. The man was running for his life all night. How the hell are you supposed to win when your QB has less protection than a drunk girl in Miami?

Derrick Henry was supposed to be the safety net. Instead, he coughed up a brutal 4th-quarter fumble with the Ravens trailing 28–24. Detroit turned that into points and slammed the door shut. Henry finished with just 50 yards on 14 carries, though he did score once.

Lamar actually balled out—288 passing yards, 3 touchdowns, 0 interceptions. Mark Andrews chipped in with 91 yards and 2 TDs. But when your O-line is folding like a cheap chair and your defense is Swiss cheese, it doesn’t matter.

This wasn’t just a loss—it was a choke job. Straight up.