They Want the Baddie, Not the Brain: A Rant About Low-Effort Men

By Trinity Barnette

There’s a breed of men out there who love the idea of a woman like me—but not the reality of one.

They follow you on social media. Like a few pictures. Slide into your DMs with half-assed charm and emoji-filled promises. At first, it feels like something might come of it—a vibe, a fling, a spark. But then? The “wyd” messages roll in. The flirty energy turns dry. The FaceTime plans go unfulfilled. And suddenly you’re stuck in a conversation that feels more like a chore than a connection.

These men want the look, the body, the

presence—the baddie.

But the brain? The boundaries? The emotional maturity?

They ghost those the minute they realize they can’t manipulate them.

I’ve dealt with this kind of man. The one who pretended to be interested but just wanted free content, half-naked selfies, and easy access. The one who couldn’t be bothered to reply to a meaningful message, but had the audacity to resurface months later like nothing happened.

And when I finally asked for something real—a chance to turn the conversation into something purposeful, creative, or collaborative—he folded like a lawn chair in preseason.

He didn’t want growth. He didn’t want me.

He just wanted the aesthetic.

So here’s a little rant about them—the men who chase the image but can’t handle the substance. The ones who love a confident woman until she dares to ask for consistency. This one’s for every baddie who’s ever been undervalued by someone who couldn’t meet her where she stood.

Let’s begin.

Exhibit A: When the Vibes Are Loud But the Effort Is Silent

I met him on Instagram. He followed me, liked a couple pics, and slid into my DMs with the energy of someone who knew what he wanted—but didn’t actually know what to do with it. It wasn’t a red flag at first. The exchange was simple, kind of sweet, and low-key flattering. He asked for my number, and I gave it to him.

The texting started off fine—basic “how are you” check-ins and “what you up to” energy. But almost immediately, I noticed a pattern. He was the kind of guy who initiated contact without any intention to follow through.

He’d say things like, “Let’s FaceTime later,” and then never call.

He’d bring up plans that didn’t happen.

He’d flirt, ask for pictures, then disappear for hours—or days.

And when he did come back? It was like nothing happened. No explanation. No accountability. Just picking up the conversation like he hadn’t left it sitting there collecting dust.

At one point, I even added him on another app to make things easier. He used that opportunity to double down on the casual energy—complimenting my looks, teasing connection, and asking for access to things that should’ve come with a subscription fee, considering the content he was requesting. Mind you, this was a man with money. Like, real money. But apparently, effort was too expensive.

Eventually, I tried to shift the conversation into something more meaningful. I offered him a chance to collaborate on a creative project—a short interview for a blog post I was working on. Something thoughtful. Something intentional. A chance for him to show up as more than just another flirty message thread on my phone.

His response was dismissive. Joking. Evasive.

Because when you’re used to being adored for surface-level things, depth feels like pressure. And presence feels like a threat.

That was the moment I realized: he never wanted me.

He wanted the version of me that smiled, flirted, and gave without asking for anything in return.

And when I finally did ask for something—respect, clarity, reciprocity—he vanished like a damn magician.

The Real Cost of Entertaining Low-Effort Men

The emotional damage doesn’t come from what they do—it comes from what they don’t.

They don’t show up consistently.

They don’t listen.

They don’t follow through.

They don’t think they need to, because they’re so used to women filling in the gaps for them—initiating, explaining, forgiving, excusing.

And even when you know better, even when you’re self-aware, empowered, and full of receipts to prove he wasn’t the one—you still find yourself asking:

• Did I come on too strong?

• Was I expecting too much too soon?

• Would he have treated me better if I’d been more chill, more silent, more soft?

That’s the part that stings. Not the loss of him—but the momentary loss of yourself. Because low-effort men don’t just waste your time. They chip away at your confidence. They leave you doubting the exact boundaries you set to protect yourself.

And then, weeks or months later, they pop up like a push notification you never asked for. A random text. A vague compliment. A dream that slaps you in your sleep out of nowhere.

Not because they miss you.

But because something in your spirit is still cleaning up the emotional residue they left behind.

You Can’t Ghost a Woman Who Found Herself After You Left

The beautiful thing about growth is that it makes you see everything—and everyone—more clearly. What used to confuse you now confirms what you always knew deep down: it wasn’t love. It wasn’t potential. It wasn’t even connection.

It was attention dressed up as intimacy.

It was access disguised as effort.

It was a man who liked the idea of you, not the reality of holding space for you.

You don’t get to ghost someone and still haunt them.

You don’t get to flirt with her confidence and then cower when she asks for substance.

You don’t get to orbit around her light and then act surprised when she blocks your shadow from every timeline—physical and spiritual.

I may have doubted myself in the moment. I may have replayed those messages and overanalyzed my tone, my asks, my worth.

But now? I don’t need closure.

I don’t need an apology.

I don’t even need a response.

Because once a woman has healed from the version of herself that tolerated you?

There’s nothing left for you to ghost.