I Was Groomed, and I Didn’t Know It Until Years Later

By Trinity Barnette

When people talk about situations like mine, they usually picture something dramatic. A scary adult. A helpless kid. But what they don't picture is a little girl with an iPod and too much internet access, feeling excited because older guys were giving her attention.

They don't picture someone like me.

I was around 8 or 9 when I started using apps I shouldn't have been on-Kik, early Instagram. I would talk to much older guys. And yeah, l'd lie about my age. I'd say I was 15 or 16, even though I was way younger. I thought it made it okay. It didn't. It doesn't. Because they were grown, and I was a kid. Period.

At the time, it felt thrilling. I liked the attention. I liked the validation. Being seen. Being wanted. It made me feel older than I was, like I had some kind of power. I didn't realize I was being targeted. I didn't know that being treated like an adult by adults doesn't make you one.

Looking back now? It's clear. I wasn't in control. I was being slowly influenced-in ways I didn't even recognize. I thought I was mature, smart, even seductive. But I was just a kid trying to feel like somebody.

The older I got, the more it hit me. The guilt. The shame. The confusion. But also the truth: I wasn't "fast." I wasn't "asking for it." I was a child

in a world that taught me attention = value, even

if it came from people who knew better and did it anyway.

That's what grooming looks like sometimes. It's not always violent or obvious. Sometimes it's disguised as flattery. As fake love. As control wrapped in compliments. And it takes years to realize that.

I'm writing this now for every younger version of me out there. For every girl who's being told she's "so mature for her age." For anyone who feels like they're leading the convo when they're actually being led.

You weren't to blame. Even if you lied about your age. Even if you liked the attention. Even if you didn't understand what was really happening

Most people think grooming g is always sexual or obvious. But the truth? It’s subtle. It’s manipulative. And it often feels like attention, connection, or even love. That’s what makes it so dangerous.

This guide is here to help you—and others—recognize the red flags early, so you can protect yourself and the people you care about..

Signs You’re Being Groomed (Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It Yet):

1. They compliment you in a way that feels “too mature”

“You’re so grown for your age.” “Most girls your age aren’t like you.”

They’re trying to make you feel special—but it’s a setup to cross boundaries later.

2. They try to keep the relationship a secret

“Don’t tell anyone about this.” “It’s just between us.”

That’s a huge red flag. Healthy people don’t ask for secrecy.

3. They give you gifts or do favors to “earn” your trust

Money, rides, food, phone credit—it might seem kind at first, but it’s often used to build emotional debt. Like you “owe” them something.

4. They start talking about physical topics too soon

If someone older brings up attraction, your body, or intimacy before you’re even comfortable—it’s not by accident.

5. They make you feel like they’re the only one who “gets you”

Isolation is a tool. They want you to feel dependent, like they’re your safe space—even when they’re not.

Why It’s Not Your Fault (Even If You Lied About Your Age)

Predators count on kids and teens to lie about their age—they know it happens.

But no matter what you said, they were the adult.

They knew better. They chose to ignore it. That makes it 100% their responsibility, not yours.

What to Do If You Think It’s Happening

• Tell someone you trust (a parent, teacher, or therapist—even a friend).

• Take screenshots of messages if you feel something is wrong.

• Block & report them (on social media or through cyber tip lines).

• Don’t feel guilty for cutting them off. They were never entitled to your time or trust.

For Survivors: If It Already Happened To You

You are not broken. You are not stupid. You are not alone.

You were targeted, and now you’re healing. You’re allowed to speak about it. You’re allowed to be angry. And you’re allowed to rebuild on your terms.