When You Outgrow the Dream You Thought You Wanted
By Trinity Barnette
I’ve always been the type to attach my worth to my success.
If I wasn’t achieving, I wasn’t enough. Simple as that.
For years, I chased dreams with my entire soul — every ounce of time, money, and energy poured into the pursuit. I romanticized the grind, told myself every sacrifice was worth it, and built an identity around this is who I’m going to be.
But here’s what nobody tells you: sometimes you get there — or close enough to see the full picture — and you realize the dream doesn’t fit anymore.
And that realization is quietly devastating.
For me, it wasn’t just a career shift or a change in direction. It felt like I’d been pouring my whole self into something, only to find out that self no longer existed in the same way. The person who wanted that dream so badly had changed. And suddenly, the thing I thought would make me feel whole felt… empty.
As someone who ties their identity so deeply to their goals, this left me spiraling. If this dream isn’t mine anymore, who am I? What was all that time, energy, and heart for? Did I waste years of my life chasing something that wasn’t even meant for me?
The truth is, outgrowing a dream feels like heartbreak. You grieve the version of yourself that wanted it. You mourn the fantasy of the life you imagined. And if you’re anything like me, you also wrestle with guilt — guilt for changing, guilt for “quitting,” guilt for even admitting to yourself that you want something different.
But here’s the thing I had to learn (and relearn, and relearn again):
It’s not wasted time if it taught you who you are.
It’s not failure to let go.
And it’s not weakness to pivot.
How I’ve Learned to Cope & Move Forward
Detach your worth from the outcome. You are more than your achievements. You are a whole person outside of what you “produce.”
Honor the season you were in. That dream served you at the time. It gave you discipline, skills, perspective — things you’ll carry forward into whatever’s next.
Ask yourself the hard questions. Does this goal still excite me? Does it align with my values? Does it still fit the person I’m becoming?
Make space for the new dream. The longer you hold onto something that no longer fits, the less room you have to find what will.
The moral? Your goals should align with who you are and who you want to become. Not just who you were when you first set them. Dreams are meant to grow with you — and if they don’t, it’s okay to let them go.
Because at the end of the day, you’re not defined by the path you take. You’re defined by the courage it takes to change it.
