Men Keep Proving Why I Don’t Trust Them—And I’m Taking Notes

By Trinity Barnette

I wanted to believe I could trust people again.

I wanted to believe that friendships with men—platonic, grounded, respectful friendships—were possible. That I didn’t have to keep my guard up all the time. That I didn’t have to question the motives of every person in my life.

But every time I get even a little comfortable, a man reminds me why I stay distant. Why I don’t trust. Why I disappear.

Today, it was someone in my DMs telling me that “men and women can’t be friends” and that every male friend I have “wants to sleep with me.” And just like that, the walls came back up. The survival mode kicked in. Because when you hear something like that, it’s not just annoying—it’s terrifying.

The Reality That Message Exposed

That message wasn’t a harmless opinion. It was a threat disguised as “truth.”

Because what it really said was:

• “I can’t view women as human beings if I find them attractive.”

• “Men like me don’t care about your boundaries—we’re just waiting for a moment to cross them.”

• “You’re not safe, even in your friendships.”

And sadly? He’s not the only one who thinks like this.

That’s what makes it so scary.

Most of My Friends Are Men—And Now I’m Questioning Everything

This part hurts the most.

Because I’m someone who’s always connected better with men. I’ve always had guy friends. I’ve always defended those friendships when people questioned them.

But right now, I can only think of three men in my life who I trust not to assault me or cross a boundary. Three.

And the worst part? That’s actually more than most women can say.

I Took My Friendship Application Down—Because This Doesn’t Feel Safe Anymore

I had just opened myself up. I made a whole friendship application. I was excited to meet people, to be known, to connect.

And now? I deleted it.

Because the more men expose how they really think, the more I realize how few of them see me as a person—not a fantasy. Not a challenge. Not an opportunity.

This is what we call survival mode.

And I hate that it feels like home.

If You’re a Man Who Thinks Like That, Stay Away From Me

If you don’t think women can exist in your life without being sexualized…

If you assume every woman who’s kind to you wants to sleep with you…

If you think your inability to self-regulate is just “how men are”…

I don’t want your energy near me.

I don’t want your attention.

And I definitely don’t want your friendship.

I’m Not Bitter—I’m Aware

People will read this and say I’m cold. That I’m bitter. That I’m angry.

And they’re right about one thing: I am angry.

But I’m also deeply aware.

I know what it means to be a woman in a world where men constantly reveal their intentions through “jokes” and unsolicited opinions.

I don’t want to live like this.

But I have to.

Because trusting the wrong person could ruin my life.

Men keep proving why I don’t trust them. And I’m not ignoring it anymore.

I’m paying attention.

I’m taking notes.

And I’m making peace with staying distant—because that distance is what’s keeping me alive.